It's been a week since I last posted.
I'm sitting here at midnight....thinking on my life. I made a hasty decision last night (although the right one). I quit my job of 6 years.....walked out.....didn't look back.
I'm an RN. I have worked in an Emergency Dept. for the last 6 years. Although I love being a nurse and have loved my job up until 8 months ago....I couldn't take one more minute.
I was a volcano....waiting to erupt.....and my manager (who I have always liked) pushed the right button last night. I won't bore you with the details of last night.
Eight months ago......in November........I was working the ER.....and we caused a death. A beautiful woman in her 60's....no health problems. What we did.....and didn't do....caused her death....and I will never forget it....and will never be able to forgive myself (even tho.....I wasn't the one that directly caused it....I was there). It was not intentional....none of us meant to harm her....or her family.....but we did.
I almost quit nursing then....and have been struggling to stay with it. After 15 years of helping people and loving every minute of it......it has been very hard. I have frozen a few times.....when I needed to push a medication...and had to have another nurse do it.
I had to leave.....I have hated my job since.......dragging myself to work.....praying to God on the way......not to let anyone else die on me. Needless to say.....I have watched alot of people die since that night....including a beautiful 4 year old....that was backed over by a pickup. I can't deal with all the pain and hurt and death that comes with working in the ER anymore.
I have to do something to make peoples lives better. I have chosen to return to long term care. I love the elderly...love making a difference in their lives. I have an interview on Monday. Pray for me.....I need this.
This was one of the reasons I have been in a block with my art.......no passion....no will to create.
I can't believe I'm sitting here.....telling the world about this. No one will probably read it anyway....but it feels good to put it to print.
God bless everyone that reads and/or comments on this. I hope everyone has a safe and happy weekend.
8 years ago
4 comments:
Wow Patti what a story! It must have been a really hard thing to go through. But it sounds like you are taking care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up. We are only humans and we ALL make mistakes . . . some harder than others.
We all have to go through what we went through to get to where we are today . . . you are just on a new adventure to learn something else! Good luck.
How did you find my blog? Just curious . . .
I've got to go cook supper now but shall return to read your other blogs. Good luck,
Kel.
Hi Kel,
Thanks for the comment....your my first :).
Thanks for the encouragement. It's been a rough few days....but headed in the right direction.
I think I found your blog from Dragonfly Reflections...not sure. It might have been Hearthtalks.
I was searching for inspirational type blogs....and someone commented on your story about the mountainman.
I have read several of your postings...and plan on reading them all. Are you a writer? I love reading your posts.
And I just told my husband earlier....I want to be THERE....the photos you just posted. So beautiful!!!
I read it Patti, and I applaud you for your wonderful warm heart! Can't wait to go and see some of your art. :) Hope your having a lovely weekend! Lori
Hi Lori...thanks for reading my blog. Do you remember me from Wetcanvas? I painted the picture of your oldest son when he was a baby. Its good to see you again.
I've been away from art for almost a year....trying to get back at it.
I'm headed over to your blog now!! Hope your Sunday is wonderful.
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